I Understand

I am sitting here for the last time in an internet café writing my last email as a missionary and I am not really sure what to say. I could write a novel on everything that has happened, everything I have learned and all the experiences I have had since I left the Seattle airport last June and set out on what would be the biggest adventure of my life so far.

As I was reading my study journal from my first zone conference in the mission, I came across the training that President Taylor gave that day, about the difference between knowing and understanding. Before my mission, I think I knew a few things- I have lived 20 years learning about Christ and His gospel. But I think the greatest thing my mission has done for me is helped me to really understand some of the things I only knew before.

I knew how detrimental fear was before the mission but it was here that I understood how much it impedes my faith. It was here that I learned how to leave my comfort zone, leave my fears, and let my Savior take my hand and help me take those steps of faith.

I knew what grace was before the mission, but these last 18 months He has helped me to understand how His grace really is an "enabling power and spiritual healing offered through the mercy and love of Jesus Christ." I have learned that He died not only to save us from our sins, but to help us grow and learn from our weaknesses and our failures.

I knew He had the power to change us, but it was during my mission that I really understood how that happens. I understand now how amazing it really is to give up your own will and choose to submit to His, to simply follow Him and watch as he transforms us to be more like Christ.

I knew the Spirit was important and I knew what it felt like but I understand now how much I need him and how vital he is to everything that I do, in every important decision I make.

I knew that serving others makes us happier, but as I learned to lose myself in the service of others, to give my "heart, might, mind, and strength", I understood each time a little bit more. I understand now the joy it brings to lose yourself to others, a kind of pure joy that stays with you and doesn't seem to have a comparison.

I knew before my mission that my Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ love me but it was here in Brazil that I really started to understand that love because I feel so much of it for so many people here. I never thought 18 months ago that it would be so hard to say goodbye to people after such a short span of time.

I don't know or understand everything yet, and never will get to that point in this life, but I know and understand sufficient to keep going, to keep trusting Him enough to keep following Him. I am so grateful for my mission and for the understanding I have gained here. I know that Christ lives, that He is our Savior, and that He is in every single detail of our lives.

Love,
(for the last time I can sign off as...)
Sister Lauren Mather

PS. I will arrive on Friday this week but for those who live close, you are all invited to church on Sunday the 15th, where I will have the chance to speak a little more about my experiences here in Brasil- I would love to see you guys there :)

Address:
1100 6th Avenue Southeast
ISSAQUAH, Washington 98027-4718
12:00-2:00pm