I Understand

I am sitting here for the last time in an internet café writing my last email as a missionary and I am not really sure what to say. I could write a novel on everything that has happened, everything I have learned and all the experiences I have had since I left the Seattle airport last June and set out on what would be the biggest adventure of my life so far.

As I was reading my study journal from my first zone conference in the mission, I came across the training that President Taylor gave that day, about the difference between knowing and understanding. Before my mission, I think I knew a few things- I have lived 20 years learning about Christ and His gospel. But I think the greatest thing my mission has done for me is helped me to really understand some of the things I only knew before.

I knew how detrimental fear was before the mission but it was here that I understood how much it impedes my faith. It was here that I learned how to leave my comfort zone, leave my fears, and let my Savior take my hand and help me take those steps of faith.

I knew what grace was before the mission, but these last 18 months He has helped me to understand how His grace really is an "enabling power and spiritual healing offered through the mercy and love of Jesus Christ." I have learned that He died not only to save us from our sins, but to help us grow and learn from our weaknesses and our failures.

I knew He had the power to change us, but it was during my mission that I really understood how that happens. I understand now how amazing it really is to give up your own will and choose to submit to His, to simply follow Him and watch as he transforms us to be more like Christ.

I knew the Spirit was important and I knew what it felt like but I understand now how much I need him and how vital he is to everything that I do, in every important decision I make.

I knew that serving others makes us happier, but as I learned to lose myself in the service of others, to give my "heart, might, mind, and strength", I understood each time a little bit more. I understand now the joy it brings to lose yourself to others, a kind of pure joy that stays with you and doesn't seem to have a comparison.

I knew before my mission that my Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ love me but it was here in Brazil that I really started to understand that love because I feel so much of it for so many people here. I never thought 18 months ago that it would be so hard to say goodbye to people after such a short span of time.

I don't know or understand everything yet, and never will get to that point in this life, but I know and understand sufficient to keep going, to keep trusting Him enough to keep following Him. I am so grateful for my mission and for the understanding I have gained here. I know that Christ lives, that He is our Savior, and that He is in every single detail of our lives.

Love,
(for the last time I can sign off as...)
Sister Lauren Mather

PS. I will arrive on Friday this week but for those who live close, you are all invited to church on Sunday the 15th, where I will have the chance to speak a little more about my experiences here in Brasil- I would love to see you guys there :)

Address:
1100 6th Avenue Southeast
ISSAQUAH, Washington 98027-4718
12:00-2:00pm

I Feel Like A Hormonal Pregnant Woman

Seriously. This week it started to seem a little more real that my time in Brasil as a missionary is ending. We had my last zone conference this week and I kept it together pretty well until the very end when we all came together to sing the mission song we always end with. Cue tears, realizing that it was the last time I was gonna sing that with everyone. So just imagine how many emotions a pregnant hormonal woman has in a day and you've got me pretty spot on. Lots of feelings, but as the end gets closer I feel more and more gratitude for the opportunity I have had to be here. And a little annoyed with my past self for doubting the decision to come sometimes. Every time I trust in what God tells me, I end up happier in the end, so isn't it strange how we continue to doubt even still??

Everything was all set for Joas and Adriana's wedding and baptism this week but... her document still hasn't arrived for all the paperwork to go through. Everything is literally riding on a single document but we are praying and fasting and reallllyyyyyy hoping everything can work out this week. The good news is that I will be staying here in my area up until the very last day of my mission so we've still got a good 2 weeks to get it all together. Of all the people I have known in my mission, I think I've gotten most attached to them.

Other than that, we are just going about the usual, visiting lots of people, laughing a lot, a drinking a lot of coconut water. Almost got up to 100 degrees this week which is really hot with the humidity BUT I know I will miss the heat when I am freezing in Seattle. Mission life is a good one. :)

I'll write a better email next week, it will be my last one! Can't wait to see all of you soon!!

Much love,

Sister Lauren Mather